Social Suicide

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I needed a good veg-out night after an extremely stressful week.  It was a night fit for some wine, alone time and mindless tv.  I had found a lump in my breast, and after an ultrasound and mammogram, they decided I needed a biopsy.  I needed my mind to stop running through scenarios.

Saying I was down in the dumps, was an understatement.

I stayed home Friday night and  flipped through the channels until I came across the 2004 flick “Mean Girls”.  This seemed like the perfect movie for the end to a downright rotten week.

In the movie Damian (the funny sidekick to Janis) says, “You can’t join Mathletes, it’s social suicide!”

It really got me thinking about how silly and unfortunate worrying what people think of you is, yet it happens every single day in social settings, at work, at school…everywhere.

Not doing this or that because you are worried what people will think?  It’s simply preposterous, but we all do it at some point in our lives and some of us are serial offenders.

I was hook, lined and sinkered into worrying what people thought of me growing up.  It completely stressed me out to the point that at a school dance in Junior High I spent the entire dance in the girls restroom crying hysterically because one very popular girl who I thought to be my friend pulled a “mean girl” on me.  I can’t remember all of the details now, but I will NEVER forget how I felt.  I will also NEVER forget the dress I was wearing to that dance. The taffeta dress was kelly green and white with thick horizontal stripes and had a 50′s look to it. It had been strapless, against the school rules, so my mom had to add straps.   My shoes were white flats that had ribbons that tied up my ankles.  This was my very first school dance and I had been so excited.

Another memory I have was playing the violin in elementary school.  I had even been the only student in the class  awarded a scholarship to participate in a summer program between my 6th and 7th grade year.  After 6th grade I gave up the violin simply because  Junior High was starting and I didn’t want to be called a “nerd”.  This past unpleasant nickname today is considered sexy.  I gave up an instrument that I  so passionately loved and played for what?  An unpleasant nickname!

I hope that as a mom, I can give my girls the confidence to make the choices that are best for them and not what they think they should do to please others.  Life is way too short and one day you turn 37, go through some major life changing events and realize it’s time to live life to the fullest and be happy.

Photo credit:  Found this photo posted by one of my friends on Facebook.  No link was included to it’s original source.


  1. Caroline Green says:

    Keep writing! It’s amazing and inspiring!!

  2. II hear you .. I will be 31 in October and I just am now realizing I am not letting go of certain things because of the easier route or the fear of doing things alone again – even though I KNOW I do so much better when I am at my happiest & I am a better role model to my kids showing them we do not settle, but we reach for what we can reach for and keep moving forward. I am going through some tough changes, but I know they will be happier ones. Thanks for writing this!

  3. Hey Ms Courtney, said a prayer for you that all will be well. Know that you are beautiful and cared for!

  4. I can already see that my oldest feels the pressure to go with the flow. It starts so young. Sigh.

  5. I will be 37 this year, in a couple of months, and of course as you know; there has been a lot of thinking going on about my life. This post hits the bullseye, last week I decided I wasn’t going to waste my life anymore because of other people’s thoughts and actions.
    I am so glad that I was able to find you, Brad, and myself understanding what I mean about walking forward, about moving on, and moving on ;)

    I love you! ;)

  6. I’ve wanted to stop by since the Niche Mommy Conference to say how nice it was to meet you. :)

    I’ll turn 41 in only a few short weeks and I’ve realized to get over myself and not worry what people think of me. I allowed myself to miss out on too many opportunities when I was younger. Like you, I gave up things that I loved because of stupid comments and names. And dances? Let’s not even go there… :-) All I can say is I’m so glad those days are over.

    Sounds like you’ve had a pretty unpleasant week. I read your biopsy post. You were so descriptive that I almost felt as though I were in the room with you. I had surgery just a few months back and can so relate with the uncomfortable silence that permeates the room prior to the procedure. :(

    I’m praying that you get good news with the results. (((Hugs)))

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